stuck in this place of not wanting to settle or not feeling like people you meet are good enough even though where you are you’re at an even place, because you think you can do so much more, you’r just in a closed space without open doors that u see, and you’re just waiting to reach the next milestone in your self development before choosing people or communities since you want to be on top of it before exposing yourself. worried that if your date or a new friend sees how alone you really are will turn them off, but how do you break that cycle when you’re not meeting anyone at all? like you know you’re gifted and talented and unique but it thrives even more when there are people in your life supporting you. is this a sign you’re using people for their support and not self-sufficient? but then the christian theme of fighting self-sufficiency comes in, but at the same time it teaches you to be disciplined. so many conflicting thoughts in the mind of a perfectionist who pulls the trigger only on black and white things.